Just when I thought I could see the finish line, I’m right back in the gate. Thus are the thoughts of a forty-something pregnant woman. With one adult child and one teenage child, I had been busy as a bee planning a wonderful and carefree year for two love-birds: me and my husband Nico.
Imagine my shock and his surprise when I suspected something wasn’t quite right. The nausea had me worried because it’s one of the signs of heart trouble in women. Never in a million years did I actually think it could be ‘morning sickness’; though it did pass through my mind a time or two. Several dry months later–no swimming the red sea–I felt compelled to mention it to hubby. He was ecstatic, elated, you name it! He loved the idea of a little ‘us’ growing inside of me; his never having had children and being almost 40.
Me…? I was on a different end of the spectrum. I had been through years and years of single-mom-syndrome. Needless to say, it hadn’t been easy for me or my kids. So, I guess with the whole thought-association process thing, I was happy…and bummed at the same time. I would never be so selfish as to ‘not’ want our baby; I love any little life my husband and I create. But, it’s hard to explain really, I was just seeing some light at the end of the tunnel of rearing two kids…mostly alone with no help, and pouring dollar after dollar of money I never seemed to have, into countless wants and needs. I guess I was gearing up for some ‘me’ time…or just getting used to the easy, low-key life my husband and I have gotten used to as a couple.
It has taken some adjusting of my thoughts to realize that this time…I won’t be going it alone; my husband will be a wonderful father, of that I am sure. And I’ve begun to realize that just because we are bringing a little life into the world, I know I am much more prepared now than I ever was then. I feel blessed more than shocked and dismayed these days. I’ve already felt movement (not sure whether or not it was gas), and my baby-clock has already started to kick in, getting up at least once a night to pee…visiting the fridge in the middle of the night. I have to laugh at how funny life can be.
As for the travelling we’d planned on doing: that’s where the VW Westy we plan to buy comes into the picture. I am a lucky woman to have a mechanically inclined man whose profession is auto paint & body. Because when we get our Camper Van, however old and shabby it might be, we plan on turning it into a shiny-new hippie traveler; complete with a ‘baby on board’ sticker plastered right across the back window.
I can hardly wait!
Writing & Wanderlust 