No matter where I go, there’s always a song in my head. Sometimes it’s one of the songs my husband and I have already written and composed for our Indie duo Gypsy Vin Rose, but more-often-than-not, it’s an entirely new tune that comes to me at any time of day, no matter what I’m doing. Many times, I dream these new songs – just small tidbits for me to go on – and if I’m lucky enough to salvage a clip when I wake up, I will quickly make a recording (no matter how bad it sounds in the early morning hours), scribbling down any lyrics I can recall. With time and effort, a lot of tweaking too, I will have a new song if I dedicate what is needed to my craft…for such an accomplishment to ever be heard by others.
Facing all the restrictions of a next-to-nothing recording budget, a toddler screaming her own verse in the background while we try to practice, the lack of equipment and zero time to dedicate to our craft (because we are still keeping afloat with a regular job). I often feel helpless as I see our dreams falling by the wayside. Still, the songs in my head won’t let me give up – the dreams I dream won’t let me quit on Gypsy Vin Rose. The fire is still there inside of me…on a low, but steady, flame.
Last night I dreamt of Bob Marley, he didn’t speak, but I could hear him anyway. I knew his thoughts…I knew his feelings. He wanted me to keep with it, he wanted to help. I just wanted to be where ever he was, but he somehow just kept disappearing. I searched, but he was gone…and I felt alone…desperate to find him once more. I’m not sure what to make of that dream, but I enjoyed being where I was; lost somewhere in the dream realm.
I believe that dreams are symbolic; never meaning what most people might think they represent. I know last night’s dream doesn’t mean I’m thirsting for the man himself, but…rather the music and the freedom of expression for which he sang, for which he stood. He was a good man, I believe. I wish I could’ve known him.
Still, there are dreams like this one…that keep me going, when it comes to the songs I write and compose. I remember past performances, when I was flying solo as an artist, before I met Nico…my husband and the other half to Gypsy Vin Rose. I always felt more alive…more like ‘me’, on the stage; even if I was mostly singing the songs of other artists. But I was never prepared at the right time; and most artists know…timing is everything, talent is a must, but luck plays a very big role as well. The time I had a radio interview, but no CD’s ready to offer, always comes to mind when I think of being prepared for anything…everything in music.
I also think back to the time I met a big-time Sony Record Producer backstage at one of my musician friend’s concerts. The producer – his name was Rob – asked me for a demo, but like always…I wasn’t prepared. But he was a very nice man…and he thought I had the look, the image, so he offered me his business card, scribbled some contact information on the back – confessing that he never does business when he’s drinking – and we parted ways. I guess most folks might think I’d never hear from him again, but I did. The sad thing was that we just kept playing phone tag, until…I guess he just gave up on me. It just wasn’t meant to be at that time, is all I keep telling myself.
Deep within my very being, I know I should never give up, no matter if I am on-up-there in years now, no matter if all the odds seem to be stacked against me…and GVR. I look to the bright side, forever the optimist, and cling to the fact that I have been able to pick up the mandolin at my age, and actually learn to play it; composing my own songs after barely a few months of playing. That, to me, is reassuring! Knowing, already, that when it comes to recording our songs…we have that down too, since Nico discovered when he recorded his instrumental composition of The Journey in our van, that Hippie Van Studios has great acoustical sound…and no toddler screaming in the background.
The dream keeps the music alive with us…within me, the songs just keep playing in my head, and my heart still races at the thought of being up on stage…performing once again. But, I have to admit that the best part of that waking-dream is…I know the next time I am up on stage using the talent that He has given, I’ll finally be singing and playing…my very own tune.